Buying a house. Or: how to doubt yourself every second and never sleep again.

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February 2, 2012 by agooddaytoyou

As all the gooddaytoyou-ers know (because I have discussed it in nauseating detail with all of them) Friday and I are trying to buy our first apartment. And not just any apartment: the Dream Palace. A stunning split level glory home in the centre of our very favourite suburb in the world. A mini castle of goodness and warmth that comes complete with a dishwasher, two bathrooms (untold luxury for us) and an attic room. AN ATTIC ROOM PEOPLE! Oh, and did I mention 2 balconies? Yes, two. Because now that we are grown ups, one balcony is not enough.

When we launched ourselves into this adventure (and believe me, launched is the right word as that is the only way that Friday and I can do almost everything) we both knew it would be stressful. But I think I was naive to just how horribly, soul-crushingly hideously painful it would truly be. Because it is. It’s awful. Every single step of it. And you just get through a good bit (like your offer being accepted or realising you have been grown up enough to keep your birth certificate for all these years so it is much easier to prove your existence to the hundreds of people who will now ask for it in the application process) and then you suddenly have to go through a bad bit (like desperately waiting for finance to come through).

And the whole time, you are on shaky ground, because about 60 things can go wrong every day, and every one of those things could lead to you losing the house and having to start all over again and that thought is actually so much worse that you spend more time obsessing over having to start all over again than you do about actually getting your dream palace.

And then there is the thought of Oh my god, WHAT IF WE ACTUALLY GET IT. And then we have a mortgage and a house that is totally our responsibility and that is so insanely grown up that I can barely even think about it.

And everyone wants to tell you their horror stories about having no money or eating baked beans for months (my father said that when he first started paying a mortgage he did not have enough money for a hose). And then you are constantly doing the sums of “Well, if I was paying a mortgage right now then I would only have this much money left each fortnight so I could not get this. And this. And this.”

Look, I know that better, smarter people than me have bought houses before me and I know that plenty will after me. But this is my first time and all of these things have been floating around in my head and I needed to share it with all of you so that it gets out of my head. And so I can sleep a little better because that it something that has severely been lacking in my life lately as I turn over a million things in my head all the time, the pros and cons, the maths, the mistakes, the machinations.

But mainly, I just wanted to write this post as a reminder. That if (and when, which is looking more and more like a possibility) we get the Dream Palace, I remember these feelings of stress and terror and worry and effort. So that when we are all sitting on the beautiful balcony of Dream Palace together, with wine and cheese and chocolate, with the sun setting over the city that I love so much, in the suburb I love with all the people I love, I will know that it has been absolutely worth every single second.

SEE YOU AT THE DREAM PALACE YOU GUYS!!!!!

Subject to finance.

xxx Thursday

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