December 7, 2011 by NH
I know this, because tonight I asked him: “Do you think I’m a ridiculous person?”
There is a reason why I asked Monday if he thinks I am a ridiculous person.
Earlier in the evening, I was sitting on the floor in the lounge room, talking to Monday about some things, when he said to me – in an exasperated tone – “Yes, you’ve finished your thesis.”
This statement came in response to my original statement, which was: “I’m finished!”
What I had actually finished was packaging up a set of work examples, which I was doing when I was sitting on the floor talking to Monday, which I’m taking into a job interview tomorrow. The work examples are nicely set in three colorful folders (one red, one green, one yellow). I’ll give one each to the panel members who will be at my interview.
I corrected Monday by telling him that he was mistaken: “I finished my job application,” I said, “I finished my thesis last week.”
To which he replied: “I know. I was teasing.”
So I got up, went into the kitchen and poured myself a drink of water.
Monday came into the kitchen.
I said: “Do you think I’m a ridiculous person?”
He said: “Why would you say that?”
Then I said: “Do I talk about finishing my thesis too much? Maybe I do.”
It’s true. I’m worried I’ve been talking too much about nearly finishing and finally finishing and now feeling weird about finally finishing that my family and friends are avoiding me, and all talk of my thesis.
I can understand why they would.
I get all awkward trying to explain it to people – you know, what it’s about, why I chose to study trauma, what narratology means – and even now, I’m not sure why I took three years out of my life to study those things. I’m tetchy. Something is … missing. There’s anxiety, but no need for the anxiety. I’m high one day, exhausted the next.
It has only been a week since I submitted. Nevertheless, I’m going to see the psychologist on Friday, just in case.
Monday took me by the shoulders and stared me in the eye.
“No,” he said. “I don’t think you are a ridiculous person. There is nothing ridiculous about you and I am quite impressed by what you have achieved. Of the both of us, I feel like I’m the ridiculous person.”*
Then he smiled a little bit, and said: “But I do think your addiction to popcorn is somewhat ridiculous.”
We hugged and I assured Monday he wasn’t ridiculous.
Then I took the leftover kernels (the un-popped corns) from the first bowl of popcorn I made today, put them in the popcorn maker and created another bowl of popcorn. I sat back on the couch and surfed on my iPhone while I ate the popcorn.
I couldn’t help it.
I just really like popcorn.
*I may have taken quite a bit of creative license here.